just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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