How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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