I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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