New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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