and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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