My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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