Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
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Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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