Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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