You're completely useless in the revolution.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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