oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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