My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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