youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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