You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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