I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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