i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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