I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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