Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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