Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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