Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize