My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize