It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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