Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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