i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize