do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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