Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
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It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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