I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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