She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
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