A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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