a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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