I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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