apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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