Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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