sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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