He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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