why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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