She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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