It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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