remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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