piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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