she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
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True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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