nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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