I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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