So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
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We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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