he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize