so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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