I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize