it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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