i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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