Your tits are I can't wait for
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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