yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So here I am, sexting at work.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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