but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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